“I Understand It, But I Can’t Change” - Why Insight Isn’t Enough

Many people feel “I understand what’s going on for me… but nothing actually changes.” 

In this episode, I explore why insight on its own often isn’t enough, especially when the nervous system is already overwhelmed, shut down, or under strain. 

January can intensify this pattern. Fatigue, illness, social pressure, comparison, grief, financial stress, and lack of light all place extra demands on the system. At the very moment we’re most depleted, we’re encouraged to push harder, get disciplined, and overhaul our lives. 

That approach often backfires. 

In this podcast, I talk about: 

• why struggling to change isn’t a willpower or motivation problem
• how overthinking can increase shutdown rather than create movement
• why procrastination is often overwhelm, not avoidance
• and what actually helps change begin to take hold

I also guide a couple of short self-reflection pauses, not to “fix” anything, but to shift attention out of analysis and into awareness.
 
If change feels hard right now, this episode offers a different way of understanding what’s happening. One that’s kinder, more realistic, and more effective.

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Transcript

Why Insight Doesn’t Always Lead to Change

This podcast is about why insight doesn't always lead to change, and what actually helps when life already feels like a lot.

Hi. I am Shelley Treacher from the Stress and Anxiety Recovery Podcast. I'm a specialist in somatic psychotherapy and I help people to work with overwhelm, anxiety, and patterns like emotional eating and avoidance in relationship.

Today's podcast begins with an audio from a video I've just recorded. I'll then expand on it and give you a bit more information afterwards.

“I Understand It, But I Can’t Change”

If you keep thinking, "I understand what's going on for me, but I can't seem to make any permanent changes," this probably isn't a motivation problem.

Lots of people come into January thinking they want to change things and be their best selves. They understand, they've done the research, they've listened to the podcasts, but still things don't really permanently change.

I want to say this from the start. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

When Insight Turns Into Overthinking and Self-Blame

Insight alone doesn't always land. When the nervous system is flooded, dissociated, or shut down, analysis can make things worse.

This is when overthinking comes into play. When our thoughts become circular, and we start to blame ourselves for not being able to achieve what we think we understand.

This is because thought is not enough.

It's not because we're lazy. It's not because there's something wrong with us that we think, I understand this, but I still am not changing. It's because the system is already under strain, and pushing harder will only make things worse.

Why January Makes Everything Feel Harder

January can make this so much worse.

We're coming off Christmas, the party season. This takes so much out of us. We may have had to be too sociable. There might have been difficult dynamics, or we might have been lonely.

The weather's terrible in England at least. It's been very cold. There's so much less light. There's been illness. There's been a really horrible amount of illness in this season. So we're tired.

Never mind the financial pressure and the potential grief that some of us experience.

Christmas and January come with a sense of comparison bubbling underneath. And then there's this message right now: fix it. Get disciplined.

Why Pushing Harder Backfires

At the lowest time of the year, when we are our most exhausted, we try and override exhaustion with intention.

And then a couple of weeks later, when it hasn't quite gone to plan or we're starting to slip back into old habits, we're thinking, "I told you I couldn't do it. I knew I'd fail. I understand it, but I can't change."

This isn't willpower or intention that's failed. You haven't failed. It's just that you weren't being realistic.

Real Change Starts With Safety, Not Force

Real lasting change doesn't start when we push harder.

It starts when the system has enough room and safety to move.

This might look like slowing down the pace, reducing the pressure, starting just step by step. Or it might look like saying, "This isn't the time for me to be making big shifts."

A Personal Example: Slowing Down Instead of Burning Out

And this isn't just theory for me.

When I produce a social media campaign like this one, I have to remind myself that I don't have to do it all at once.

There is an urge in me to produce this video, to do all the writing, to write a worksheet, to produce the podcast, to edit all of these things, to bring out the reels for social media, to put it all on my website, all in one week.

I used to do that. I do not know how it didn’t lead to burnout.

So now I have to consciously, deliberately remind myself that I've decided to slow down, to take my time, and to enjoy the process.

This decision protects my nervous system and the quality of what I produce.

And the exact same is true of any personal change.

Procrastination as Overwhelm, Not Avoidance

This is also why procrastination is so badly misunderstood.

Procrastination isn't always avoidance.

Mostly it's overwhelm or shutdown, where the system is saying, this is too much for me and too soon.

Trying to force someone out of that is like trying to shout someone through having fainted.

What the system really needs is enough space and safety to connect again.

A Short Guided Pause to Reset the System

I want to offer a short pause here for reflection.

Get yourself comfortable. You can keep your eyes open or you may wish to close your eyes.

Just start to notice one feeling that you have.

Notice one body sensation.

Notice one thought.

Just notice without having to do anything at all and without judgement.

And then ask yourself, what would one tiny step be that I could take that would honour exactly where I am right now?

This is not a fix, not a resolution, just one tiny realistic step.

One Tiny Step Instead of Another Resolution

If January feels harder than you think it should, you're not failing. You're probably asking too much of yourself.

Real lasting change doesn't happen through force. It happens through building capacity slowly, step by step.

Why This Approach Actually Works

This process doesn't make you weak. It's just the way humans work.

When Insight Loops Instead of Mobilising Change

I want to expand on something that I mentioned in the video because this is where a lot of people get stuck.

When your nervous system is already under strain, insight on its own can actually become part of the problem.

You understand why you do what you do. I have so many clients who come in saying, I understand the pattern. I can see it, but I still can't change.

You might even be extremely articulate about this.

But without enough internal safety, that understanding doesn't mobilise change. It just loops in an overthinking state.

Analysis becomes circular. You go over and over the same ground again and again. You spot the pattern. You judge yourself for still being in it, and then you feel more stuck.

That's not because insight is useless. It's because insight needs the right conditions to land.

Dissociation, Busyness, and Shutdown

Like I mentioned, this is also where procrastination gets misunderstood.

Procrastination isn't always avoidance. Very often it's overwhelm or shutdown, or a system that feels it's being asked to do far more than it can.

If you already feel like your nervous system is bracing or pushing harder, this doesn't create movement. It increases resistance.

In this state, rest can even feel threatening. Slowing down can feel unsafe, and doing nothing can be the only way the system knows how to cope.

So the real question becomes, what is the procrastination doing for you?

I also want to name dissociation here because it's relevant. Being busy all the time can be a way of not feeling, of not slowing down enough to notice discomfort, sadness, anger, irritation, or grief.

In the same way that binge eating, scrolling, or overworking can numb sensation, busyness can become its own form of dissociation.

That doesn't make it bad or wrong. It's understandable. And again, trying to discipline yourself out of that state usually backfires.

Pacing, Capacity, and Self-Regulation

This is why pacing matters so much.

I mentioned in the video how, with my own work, I have to consciously resist the urge to rush everything. I'm doing that right now.

There's a part of me that wants to get it all done so quickly, that equates speed with commitment, or that slowing down means I'm not going to capture anyone's attention.

But when I push like that, I can feel my system tighten. I get braced, and the work actually becomes harder.

So choosing to slow down and take my time isn't an indulgence. It's self-regulation.

It's also an attempt to connect. And the same is true for personal change.

A Cat Story About Capacity and Choice

As usual, I'm going to give you a cat story.

This beautiful foster cat that I'm looking after has taught me so much about how choice creates calm regulation.

She doesn't like a lot of touch or attention all at once. She'll start nipping me if she gets too much. She has this charge in her system that she has to release, and often if I'm not careful, that comes out on my arm.

Being a psychotherapist, I perceive that she has a very small window of tolerance.

If I leave her to do her own thing, but with calm encouragement every now and again, she feels safer. It's obvious because she looks calmer. Her tail is up and crooked and happy.

And of course it's exquisite when she does choose to have affection from me. The reward is great.

But it's such a lesson in meeting her where she is.

Change Happens When Capacity Is Available

Real change only happens when you have capacity.

That capacity can be influenced by rest, gentler timelines, smaller goals, movement that supports you rather than drains you, or simply not asking yourself to fix everything at once.

This isn't lowering the bar. It's choosing a bar that you can actually reach.

If you're listening to this and noticing a familiar pressure to sort yourself out, I'd invite you to pause for a moment.

Notice how your body feels as you listen to this podcast. Whether there's tension, heaviness, or fatigue.

And notice whether something softens when you hear that you do not have to rush.

Ask yourself quietly, what am I asking of myself right now?

Without enough support, you don't need to answer this straight away.

Episode Summary

So here's what I've talked about today:

• I talked about how understanding what's happening to you and understanding your patterns doesn't always lead to change.
• I talked about how this isn't a willpower or motivation problem.
• I spoke about this in terms of the nervous system, explaining that when it's overwhelmed or shut down, insight has nowhere to land.
• I talked about how January places extra strain on us and how pushing harder at the lowest point of the year usually backfires.
• I mentioned that procrastination is often overwhelm or shutdown rather than avoidance.
• I encouraged you to take small, realistic steps dictated by a tolerable pace.
• I led a couple of short self-reflection pauses to help shift you out of overthinking and into awareness.
• And above all, I talked about how real change starts when there is enough safety and space to move.

Closing

There isn't a quick fix for the discomfort of being human, but there is a way of meeting yourself that doesn't involve fighting your own nervous system.

Change that lasts tends to happen gradually, in small steps, as capacity builds.

If this spoke to you, you are not alone and you're not behind.

Thank you for listening.

This is Shelley Treacher from the Stress and Anxiety Recovery Podcast.

Take care, and I will speak to you again in February.

Your next Podcast: Why Procrastination is Not About Willpower